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There Are No Grown-ups: A Midlife Coming-of-Age Story, by Pamela Druckerman
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Review
“There has been remarkably little good writing about this thorny topic but here, with excellent timing, comes Pamela Druckerman’s pitch-perfect and brutally frankThere Are No Grown-Ups. . . . She has a reckless candor that can make you laugh and gasp at the same time. . . . As Nora Ephron said, “Everything is copy.” For those of us who regard “I Feel Bad About My Neck” as a bible for the midlife woman, Ephron is simply irreplaceable, but Druckerman is the heir to her impish, unembarrassable spirit and adorable storytelling.” —The New York Times Book Review“Essayist Druckerman is both droll and wise on facing the inevitability(and occasional upsides!) of aging.” –People “The decline of being middle –aged is probed with humor (chapter 7: How to Plan a Ménage à Trois), honesty (chapter 10: How to Have a Midlife Crisis) and heart (chapter 8: How to be Mortal).” — Family Circle Magazine“Pamela Druckerman brings her irresistible combination of wit, humility, curiosity and insight to topics as grown-up as facing mortality and planning a threesome in her new book, which is sure to delight anyone undergoing, contemplating, or recovering from middle age. There Are No Grown-ups is a sparkling meditation on what it means to come of age as a modern human being.” —Ariel Levy, author of The Rules Do Not Apply “Anyone in their forties will read this book and recognize so many of Druckerman’s brilliant observations and honest feelings. If ‘forty is the old age of youth and fifty is the youth of old age,’ this book hilariously meanders the purgatory of what’s in between.”—Jill Kargman, author of Momzilla and creator, writer, producer and star of Odd Mom Out. "This is no journalistic tome, though. Druckerman’s voice—self-deprecating but also keenly observant—will remind readers of the late Nora Ephron… Peppered with “You know you’re in your 40s when” lists, this is a delightfully funny, thoughtful coming-of-middle-age story.” — Susan Maguire, Booklist “Half memoir and half ironic how-to guide, Druckerman’s book is not only a humorous meditation on the gains and pains of a time in life ‘when you become who you are’; it is also a thought-provoking meditation on ‘what it means to be a grown-up.’ A trenchant and witty book on maturity and ‘middle-age shock.’” —Kirkus “Pamela Druckerman explores the challenges of being forty-something by sharing her own experiences with a deep, hilarious honesty. From her real-life struggles, she finds wise lessons that can help guide us all through this stage of life. There Are No Grown-Ups will make you laugh out loud. It’s funny because it’s true.” —Gretchen Rubin, author of The Four Tendencies and The Happiness Project “Pamela Druckerman is a Nora Ephron for a new generation. Need I say more?” —Susan Taylor from Book House of Stuyvesant Plaza“What makes Druckerman’s writing…so entertaining and addictive is her insatiable curiosity about humans and culture, her incessant research, and her extraordinary, comical honesty. Few people could write a book that tackles a threesome as a fortieth birthday present, different cultural attitudes towards ageing, and sudden, life-threatening illness with such a consistent spirit of enquiry, humor, and humility.”—Elke Power, Readings“This well-researched book will keep you laughing and pondering what it really means to grow older.”—Woman’s Day “[A] bracing primer…about life since turning 40…consistently entertaining and endearingly self-doubting.”—Editor’s Choice, The Bookseller “If you really must turn 40, this is the book to do it with. The overall effect of having Pamela Druckerman in your life is you remember not to take it all so damn seriously.” —Kelly Corrigan, author of Tell Me More
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About the Author
Pamela Druckerman is a journalist and the author of four books including Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting, which has been translated into twenty-eight languages. She’s also a contributing opinion writer at the New York Times.
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Product details
Paperback: 288 pages
Publisher: Penguin Books; Reprint edition (April 30, 2019)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0143111051
ISBN-13: 978-0143111054
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.7 x 8.4 inches
Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
3.4 out of 5 stars
62 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#259,138 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
As a woman in my mid 40s, I can certainly relate to some of the bullet points the author included in this book. The comparison ended pretty quickly though. Mrs Druckerman is very, very concerned with her looks and the appearances of her friends. And their wardrobes. Almost obsessively. A lot of the book references how people look older and that wrinkles are something to be sad about both for yourself and others. Let me be clear, I'm not allowing grey hair to take over or forgoing my face cream and moisturizer, but I do not judge other women for ignoring these things - especially not my friends. Being 40 something means (to me) you live and let live - especially with people you love. I just never got that feeling from this book.The pre chapter quips on how you know you're in your 40s are clever and cute and many are true - but some just screamed materialistic vanity to me. Telling men to "invest in hand stitched brogues"... seriously? Yes, every grown man should have great quality shoes, but that's not an existential aging lesson.My lessons from my 40s? Accept joy anywhere you find it.Kick off your shoes and play on the lawn with a puppy.Welcome new friends in your circle with an open mind and full cappuccino for everyone.Answer that 2am phone call with grace and calm - bad news is never made better with panic.Never waste another minute listening to music you dislike or reading bad books.
I gave this book 3 stars rather than 2 because it's reasonably well written and some stories are sort of interesting -- such as finding a third person for some...um, unusual activity.Mainly, I was appalled.The author seems to think it's perfectly normal to be traumatized at turning 40. Forty's not that old, if you're taking care of yourself. At the end of each chapter, she has a section, "You know you're forty-something when..." Many of those statements seemed to apply more to someone who at least sixty rather than forty.Some were just ridiculous -- such as starting to enjoy Thanksgiving despite its terrible origins. I've rarely enjoyed Thanksgiving at any age and go out of my way to avoid it. Most were just silly.What really bothered me about this book is that age is one of the least predictive variables -- demographic or otherwise -- when you're trying to generalize about groups of people. In my gym we have 70-somethings who are bouncing around in zumba class, keeping up with the 30-somethings. And we have people in the same age group who attend classes designed for "seniors" and feel challenged. We also have some younger people who like the "senior" classes because they enjoy the exercises (and sometimes just choose heavier weights). I have one friend who's 35 going on 50 and another who's 35 going on 26.Another problem with memoir type books is, it's hard to avoid judging the person who's doing the writing. Druckerman's failed 40th birthday party is less about turning 40 and having an "aspirational" party than about inviting people you barely know. Instead of inviting the "middle class professionals" and stay-at-home moms she's been hanging out with, she invites "a handful of writers and intellectuals who I know a little bit." Why would these people want to attend a birthday party for someone they barely know? They'd be more likely to come to another type of event. And most of us go to birthday parties only if we know the party girl (or boy) pretty well. Most of us learned this lesson in junior high.The failed birthday party, along with the threesome episode, felt a little awkward to read. It's like TMI. Some things should be saved for therapy sessions. I have a feeling this author will look back on this book 10-20 years from now and be very, very embarrassed.
I read Pamela's previous book regarding raising babies the French "way" and felt the book was informative and presented useful information. This book, however, didn't reflect the same level of relevant information. Pamela tended to ramble on about topics that didn't contain useful information pertaining to the focus of the book: There are No Grown-ups. I would cite as an example the 'gift' she gave her husband one year. Really?!? We honestly don't need (or, in my case, want) that information as it's outside the scope of this book. Some of this book contained useful reflections and information--- Pamela's epiphany on 'growing up' per Freud and Carl Jung's perspective was insightful and appreciated. Other than that, I was disappointed as there wasn't a great deal of 'meat' to go along with the 'shopping' information.
I may not have reached my forties yet but so much of what Druckerman so cleverly details in this book was relatable to me. Her concerns and preoccupations match those of more than one decade and are delivered with as much wisdom as sharp, occasionally offbeat humor. Her honesty was refreshing and bold. For every comedic interaction there is an equally as touching anecdote from various periods of her life — it may jump across decades at times but the journey feeds the message. Druckerman’s story is full of highs and lows, laughs and discomfort — and told throughout with tremendous heart. A memorable read.
Druckerman is a very likeable writer - and one with an interesting and varied life story (including a moving battle with cancer). For certain, she has quite a bit to say about that battle, about mid life, about mothering and about culture given her cross-cultural story. That Said, this book suffers from a shortcoming I’ve seen with other columnists or magazine writers: that the book feels somewhat like a few vignettes haphazardly stitched together - and parts of it feel rushed. There is a distinct lack of a unifying theme and so It all leaves one with the feeling that this book could’ve been much more than it is ...
Honest sharing, witty and insightful.It gave me some great perspectives, and it was very entertaining. Makes you think, makes you laugh, makes you realize that life is for living.
I have enjoyed Mrs. (Madame) Druckerman’s other books and this did not disappoint. A light, but researched read, which I could relate to as someone currently enjoying and surviving their 40’s. I will recommend to friends.
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